love

Last night around 11 o'clock pm I decided to check my mail. Everybody else was in bed, most likely sleeping as I seem to be on of the few night owls left in my house. All of a sudden I hear the door knob of the locked front door start to jiggle, I get out of my chair to go let who I think is Kent in, then I stop dead in my tracks. Kent is in Washington. I can't breathe, I run to my room and make sure my outside entrance door is locked(not even thinking mind you to tell somebody i.e. a parent) running right past the unlocked garage door. Then I hear the dreadful noise, the garage door opens,and shuts. I am having a major panick attack in the bathroom, what do I do? I am on the verge of tears trying to figure out if I should call somebody or just fight them off, or scream or what. Then it happens, the intruder comes in bathroom, I am going to die tonight, "Hey Jenny what's up!?" OH MY GODSH!! Beth comes walking in, I was two seconds literally away from pissing my pants.
Valentines, while for single people it does tend to have a negative conotation to it, it is truly about loving unconditionally. About dying for the love you have for others, and about not caring what others say about your love for others. I truly love my family. They mean everything to me, as well as my friends. Where would I be without BFFs? And then there is of course the inevitable application to this thought to God. I would like to say I would be able to be similar to St.Valentine and endure a massacre for my beliefs. But are they that strong? I have never been put to a test so drastic as life or death, I have always been able to go back and fix things when God has put me through the depths of life's valley's. There have always been chances for me to run back and fix things, but death is different. I know that I am forgiven for all sins, and I have accepted Christ as my ultimate savior and I am not affraid to die. So if a gunman put his gun to my head and asked if I believed in Christ, and I know that if I said yes I would die, would I say yes? I suppose that it would have to under what circumstances, and I know that is not the "right answer" but I am being honest here. If I were with my family,I would say yes, because I know that they would all say yes as well, and it would be easier to part,because it would be momentarily. But, what about that one close friend whom you are unsure of their walk with Christ? What would I do in that situation? Could I say yes? I think I could, but put in the situation, would I? Theorizing it and so forth is so much different than actually being there.

I would say yes, because no friend could ever compare to that of Christ's love, and all of eternity in His palace. Yes, I would die for Chirst. And yes, I would die for loved 0nes.
Not such a happy thought on such a happy holiday.
BEST WISHES ON THIS LOVING HOLIDAY!

Jobs

Today I finally made my way down to the Boys And Girls club to apply for a positon. Let's keep our fingers crossed on this one. At this point, I am beyond sick of Publix, I have truly grown to despise this job, I always feel like I could be doing something better. It relates to nothing, and I don't feel like I accomplish anything but making money, therfore, no good. I need something that fulfills me and gives a sense of accomplishment and worthy. I need a job where I can feel that I am making my money but also serving. That is why I am so looking forward to teaching. I will have an oppurtunity to make a difference in lives of students, and while I understand that it won't happen in every student,with me, I will have the chance to try. I can provide love to students who may have none at home, encouragment to a child who feels they should just give up, and an education to a child who feels that they have nothing in life. I will be able to make a difference. THAT IS SO EXCITING! How could I deny this calling that God gave me, I can't. They money is not great, but when I think about, I will be a missionary to these students, and my work for Christ and His satisfaction is worth far more than any dollar amount ever could. I have finally accepted that in my life, that I can't deny God's plan for me.
This weekend is the Winter Retreat, Gravity. I am going as a leader for the first time, 8th grade girls. It should be an interesting weekend, I am already encountering times when I wind up giving the typical small group leader answers like:"Trust God" "Give it up to God" "Pray about it" I used to hate these responses. But the more I grow in Christ the more I see how true they are. Hopefully my girls don't think that these are just the answeres I am giving them because I don't know anything else, I pray that they know I mean it. I think I stress it enough.
Valentines Day is this weekend, it will be another anti-love day on my part, but that is another blog for another day.

Life

Waving at Cars on I-75 with Mikey! WE MADE IT!

Isn't it odd how one moment you feel as though you have your whole life ahead of you and then the very next you are baffled as to what your next step should be. I am 19 years old, I will be 20 this year, what a crazy time in my life. And while I feel as though I should start growing up and planning to be a big kid, I am also perplexed by the thought of letting these precious years slip through my grip. I want to savor every illegal action, every picture, every moment, every goofy IM, every silly blog and every copied homework assignment, but I want to be prepared for that leap into independence. Will I be ready? Certainly the answer I should give myself is, God will be there, but is that all the preperation I need. No. I need to prepare not only my mind but my heart for the adventures ahead, and while I plan on enjoying every last ounce of life, I also plan on being ready for what is to come. I am one to know every detail of unexpected, things, espically life, never go as planned. When you deal with the amount of loops and drops in the roller coaster of life as I have you learn that the only hand that you can count on holding is Gods. Because, everyone else, whether they mean to or not, will get scared and jump out of the moving car on you. All you can do is squeeze Gods strong hand and keep you eyes open because you may just miss some of his miracles in action.
This past weekend was an eventful one to say the least. Friday morning I woke up with an unexpected case of pinkeye(boo), but resulted in an excuse not go to work(YAY!). Saturday was a day in the house, trying to not look like a freak with a pink puffy eye, no fun and I think dealing with a dissappointed friend, but things are fine now. Saturday night we were planning on going to a local show, but I bailed out for several reasons one of which was that I was just plain scared to go. There had been some talk about pretty major violence at this show, on one of the message boards I am involved with, and I just had a feeling that things would not be good. Regretfully, Scott, the owner of the Capitol, was pretty hurt by some of the tough guys at the show, God just really told me not to be there. Currently I seem to be the only one to offer up any information on who the guys are, stupid Capitol staff. I am so thankful that I had the knowledge to not go there that evening and the ability to help Scott and his family bust these guys. Pray for them. THEN SUNDAY! Finally I went on the hike I had been hoping for. It was so fun, Beth, Mom, Me, and Mikey hit the 13 mile trail, and only did 2 1/2, but the cool thing was going over the land bridge which crosses I-75! We go to wave at cars as they made their merry way off to the Magic of Disney World. It was a good time for the Copley's a time we don't always get to spend with each other. Then I got sick! Fun times!